Hey, wait a minute . . . I know that artwork!
Let me stop you right there, ye VHS junkoid: This isn’t a retitle-repack of Hands of Steel or Alien Terminator, aka Top Line, and Godfrey Ho’s Massacre Ninja is a ripoff in artwork, only. Oh, yes you VCR zombie: this is a whole new movie — well, as “new” as any Italian ripoff of The Terminator can be — starring Henry Silva. And just to make sure you’ll fooled into thinking — I don’t know how anyone was — this is, in fact, a sequel to the James Cameron film, this was also released as The New Terminator. And it was also — although it has nothing to do with the Albert Pyun written and directed and Jean-Claude Van Damme-starring movie of the same name — released as Cyborg II. Now, if you’re keeping track, that Pyun-Van Damme flick had its own sequel, Cyborg 2 (1993), starring Angelina Jolie and Jack Palance . . . but that’s actually a “sequel” to the other cyborg ripoff’er, Nemesis (1992). But our cyborg in this particular cyber-romper stomper has slick-backed hair and wears military fatigues . . . so he looks like a member from the Universal Soldier platoon.
Ugh. I have a headache. And we haven’t even rolled the movie, yet. So, yes, goodbye headache. Hello, migraine. And who’s responsible for this insane pain in the brain?
Make up artist Giannetto De Rossi in his directing debut. Perhaps you’ve seen his follow up film Killer Crocodile 2 from 1990? Or his E.T. ripoff Tummy from 1995? No, didn’t think so. But you’ve seen his make up work in When Women Had Tails (1970), the Star Wars dropping The Humanoid (1979), and Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond (1981). Then there’s Zombie, House by the Cemetery, and Atlantis Interceptors. De Rossi also worked on the major studio flicks of Dune, King Kong Lives, and Rambo III.
So, needless to say: the make-up work in Cy Warrior, aka, The New Terminator, aka Cyborg II, aka Invulnerable Exterminator, aka Cyborg Warrior, is excellent. Sadly: the rest of the movie sucks apoc ass steak, with its endless stream of political pondering and military yakity yak and forced cute kid-robot comedy. Yes, even with the always welcomed presence of Henry Silva and Miami, Florida-based actor Frank Zagarino in the cast. We’ve enjoyed Frankie Z. many times at B&S About Movies, courtesy of his work in the Project: Shadowchaser franchise, working with Mark Gregory in Ten Zan – Ultimate Mission, and too many Philippine-shot actioners of the post-apoc and Rambo varieties to mention.
And we mention Zargarino’s birthplace because this was shot, partly, in Miami, Florida, as well as the Dominican Republic. And I never thought I’d come to review another Sherrie Rose (be still my weeping heart) movie, but here we are, as she’s here as our ersatz Linda Hamilton. You might remember, as part of our “Fast and Furious” tribute week, we reviewed Sherrie’s (pretty fine) writing and directing debut with Me & Will, as well as her work in Sergio Martino’s American Rickshaw and the teen T&A’er, Summer Job.
Okay, so that takes care of the actor and director trivia. Let’s roll the movie!
Frank Zagarino is our resident cyborg, part of the Cy-W project in which the U.S. government has perfected a robotic warrior. For reasons that baffle, he’s in the process of being programmed-transported in cryogenic suspension on a ship the middle of the Caribbean. Courtesy of the usual incompetent soldiers and “accident,” Cy-W escapes mid-programming and makes it to the shores of the Dominican Republic.
And we cue the poorly dubbed and annoying kid.
Now, if you remember the plot of T-2, where the youthful John Connor attempted to teach human behavior to Arnie, that’s pretty much the plot of our movie. Our little Brandon runs off from his class field trip and discovers the wounded Cy-W in the woods. And Brandon takes his new friend home to introduce to his sister Susan (Sherrie Rose). And they teach “Cy” how to be human, which means, since this is the ’80s, our poor borg looks like he’s in an episode of Miami Vice. And Henry Silva is hired to bring Cy back. And ol’ Henry is the type of heavy that has no problem mowing down a few innocent Dominicans along the way. Hey, what’s a little rocket launcher projectile into a night club — if it protects U.S. national security?
Of course, Brandon is kidnapped. And Silva ends up injuring the kid. And Cy must die to save his friend.
What’s perplexing about this film — in addition to the utterly awful English dubbing of all the characters (including Silva and Rose) — is that the writer on this is Dardano Sacchetti, a usually dependable scribe who gave us the likes The Cat o’ Nine Tails, Bay of Blood, and Shock . . . as well of 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Devil Fish, and Warriors of the Year 2072. Just so many great — well, as great as a B-Movie knockoff of the Italian variety can be — giallos, zombies, and post-apoc movies . . . then there’s this Terminator turd on Sacchetti’s resume. Perhaps if Lamberto Bava, Lucio Fulci, or Sergio Martino — all whom Sacchetti wrote for — directed this? Again, Giannetto De Rossi is great in the up-against-the-budget make-up chair, but not so much in the director’s chair.
Movies like this make me feel for an actress like Sherrie Rose. She gets a lead in a movie — and it ends up not even being her voice in the final product. And for you Sherrie Rose fans that need to complete that David A. Prior and Eric Roberts section in your home movie room: Sherrie stars alongside Roberts in Prior’s 2015 offering, Relentless Justice. And that also stars Vernon “The Wez” Wells from The Road Warrior. So that looks like that may be worth checking out, right?
See. At least you discovered another new movie out of the ass steak that is Cy Warrior, which you can watch on You Tube.
About the Author: You can read the music and film reviews of R.D Francis on Medium and learn more about his work on Facebook.
The use of stock photos and artwork continues . . . read about it with Felipe M. Guerra’s original, investigative work and writing with “When the Overuse of Stock Photos Creates an Unexpected ‘Star System’: Familiar faces keep appearing on cheap movie covers.”
View at Medium.com