Honeymoon Horror (1982)

I kind of love the copy that was used to sell this movie: “Imagine every newlywed’s fantasy, a rustic secluded lover’s paradise — Honeymoon Island. What starts as a weekend of love, turns into a nightmare of blood and terror for three young innocent couples. What lurks in the shadows of Honeymoon Lodge? Is it the caretaker, or perhaps something more fiendish and deadly? Honeymoon Island, where newlyweds joined in holy matrimony spend their wedding night screaming in terror!”

This movie was filmed at the Austin Patio Dude Ranch in Grapevine, Texas, which was built at the head of DFW Airport’s main landing strip. In case you didn’t realize, like the filmmakers, this is a busy airport, so all of the planes kept interrupting the movie.

Yet somehow, this was one of the very first direct to video films purchased by Sony Home Video and released to rental stores. Somehow, this movie isn’t available on DVD, despite how successful it was for Sony. They spent $50,000 on the film and made around $22 million off of it. Then again, I got that statistic from IMDB and it could very well be bull.

Director Harry Preston only has one other credit to his name, a movie called Blood of the Wolf Girl that was never released and may have never ran in a theater.

I’m telling you all of these facts to cover up for this film, because it’s one of the more pointless slashers you’ll ever seen. Perhaps the only reason to watch it is for the fat sheriff, who is so ineffectual that he locks his keys in his car, meaning that he doesn’t even catch the killer, who is a burned up ex-husband. Actually, he’s a good reason to see this, too.

Actually, let me be honest again. As bad as this 1982 slasher is, it’s better than any that came out this year. Talk about dwindling returns!

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